THE SUICIDE NOTE YOU REFUSED TO LISTEN TO

“What did you think of me? You thought I was perfect right? I seemed to be quite level-headed and humble enough to talk to you about my issues even when your pride was all over you. Because I showed you how much I can be very hilarious, you assumed that my life was trouble-free? Pity. I am sorry for the façade I built all over myself.

Listen, I was a Spartan. I was not the kind of human that will show you how much I hurt deep inside and the rehab was definitely not for me. I have learnt to paint my life the way I want you to see it; with finesse.

However, you were too lackadaisical to see through me the sadness I kept hiding inside. I made you laugh your sorrows away yet I cried inside. How could you not see? I taught you a lot till I became empty. I focused my lens on you; gave you beautiful headshots, but the flashlights never shone on me.

Did you ever want to know me for who I really was? Why didn’t you ask if I would love to walk on the beach with you as I reminisce the good, bad and ugly sides of my miserable life? Why were you so selfish? Maybe a hug, just one deep hug might have made me stay longer on this beautiful earth and reconsider before signing the contract with the heavens.

Well, you don’t have to feel bad. No one lost. I made your life joyous and you practically did your best to reciprocate; you just didn’t do enough. Even the times when I was drained of happiness, I gave you from the crumbs because every scar on my soul drips with love and hope. The negativity that filled my world never made me jitter. I only had to mix it with a breath of fresh air before giving it back to every soul I met along the way as energy-draining laughter.

You haven’t really lived until you have died a little- Culled from DeadPool 2.

So what are you going to do now? Are you just going to cry and forget the times we spent together or be closer to anyone who deserves it like I did? Yes. I did deserve it. But I wanted you to figure it out yourself.

Meanwhile, they say anyone who commits suicide goes to hell. Really? You think I’m afraid to give up heaven for hell. But…wait a second!

Hell! Seriously; what if all I have written are just words swimming through my head begging to be let out to the world. What if I am just being overwhelmed with loneliness and my pen and pad just wished to be good roommates today?

Okay. What if this suicide note was real but I will never kill myself because I hate hell? What if I was bored and the pen just wanted to dance? And what makes you think I didn’t just postpone my own suicide till another time when you’d be out there slaying at one of the Owambes you attend every weekend?

Anyways, if you think I’m not going to think twice before pushing the red button, you are wrong. So you think I can commit suicide? Jokes on you.

Come on…I like Fanta too much to do such an interesting thing. I like Beans so much and I’m sure there is no Buka in hell. Calm down now. I won’t pull this trigger on myself. Sigh”

But seriously, don’t get it twisted. It is really bad that we all undermine the fact that people need us sometimes. I mean there are friends out there who need to be talked to and have their hands held warmly.

Suicide is not a joke. Depression is not a joke. Please watch out for friends. Hang out with them and never castigate them for having their sad times because we all do. Who knows…just a call, a text or a hug can keep your friend on earth for many years to come. Do it. You never know how many lives you’re going to be saving.